A Dream

I’m approaching the last week of my time here in Austria.

It’s been almost like a dream. While you’re inside of a dream it feels as if it has gone on for ages; it feels like it won’t ever come to an end. Then you suddenly wake up and it is back to reality once more, the dream feeling like it was a mere two minutes in duration. Depending on the dream, that awakening into reality can be dreaded or welcomed.

Like a dream, my time seemed to last forever but now as it's coming to and end it seemed so fast. So what is this sudden “awakening” to me in accordance to my time in Austria? Is the end dreaded or welcomed? That’s a difficult question to answer. First let me explain the many things I’ve learned since being here.

I’ve learned that I have an incredible support system back home. I have the most amazing mother. That woman knows me better than anyone. She knows exactly what to say to comfort me, to make me laugh, and I would most definitely not be in Austria right now if it wasn’t for her. Not only has she supported me financially (Christmas is covered for the next 15 years, Mom) but also emotionally and spiritually. She’s simply fantastic. Second in line to that mother o’ mine, is Kameron. He has been way more supportive about this whole thing than I ever could have hoped for. I know it wasn’t easy for him to give me up for two and a half months, but he knew it was something I needed to do and that I wanted to do, so he supported me. We talk nearly every day, and I feel even closer to him from 5,500 miles away then I did when I was at home. Needless to say, I’m pretty excited to see him again.

I’ve learned about a new culture. I’ve learned random things, like to remember that I need to have 50 cent coins in case I have to use a public restroom when I’m out. Or that I should bring my own bag to go grocery shopping so I don’t have to buy one while I’m at the store. I’ve learned that Austrians don’t like PB&J sandwiches. I’ve learned that Europeans dress really well and I have come to love wearing scarves every single day. I’ve eaten delicious food and will shed a few tears knowing I won’t have delicious European chocolate every day anymore. Never again will I have the chance to LIVE in Austria. I may come back and visit, but I can never get this experience again. So, when deciding what to do with one of my last weekends here, I chose to go stay with my roommate’s family rather than travel to Italy—a place I’ve wanted to visit for ages. And I’m so grateful I did. I can come back to Italy. I can’t always get the experience I did staying at Sandra’s house, getting to know her parents and her sisters, and seeing a little of the Austrian countryside with some true Austrians. Before I came to Europe, I was under the impression that I would see all these new places and countries and I would be traveling every weekend to some new area of Europe. That was not the reality, however. And I’m okay with that. No, I’m more than okay with that. I did get the chance to see some great new places, but more importantly, I lived in Innsbruck. Innsbruck became my home. I can go back to the States and while I may not be able to say that I saw a lot of places, I will be able to say that I experienced something. To me, that is where the value lies.

I’ve learned to appreciate what I have back at home. Like English everywhere, for example. I’ve learned to appreciate having stores that are open 24 hours a day. I’ve learned to appreciate ranch dressing and a gourmet hamburger. I’ve learned to appreciate drinking fountains, free water at restaurants, and instructions written in English. I’ll remember how lucky I am to have instant communication with my friends and family instead of waiting until they’re awake and they check their email or get on Facebook. I have learned to appreciate stores where I can buy cheap shoes, even if they fall apart quickly. Most of all, I’ll appreciate the close location of a temple and of church buildings. I am so impressed by the members here and their willingness to come to church every Sunday even if they have to drive an hour both ways. I’ve got it good at home, and hopefully I’ll remember that.

I’ve learned to be independent and to learn things for myself. I don’t know if I was necessarily shy before coming to Austria, but I didn’t ask many questions. I let other people do things for me. Here, I have to come out of my shell and peek my head out of that lovely little thing we call a comfort zone. And that has been the one of the greatest things to experience.

I’ve learned what it’s like to be in the minority. Not only do I come from a different country and speak a different language, but I come from a different culture entirely—a culture even a little different within my own country. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink coffee or tea. I’m getting married at the age of 20. To sum it up: I’m different. And I’ve never been “different” growing up in Utah. Everyone around me was like me or at least knew the ways of the culture. It’s hard to explain if you’ve never been in a minority, but it’s humbling. And strangely, it brings you closer to those aspects about yourself that make you unique. It has made me more tolerant for those people that are different from me, and I’ll be forever grateful for that.

I’ve learned that I can do hard things. In the first month I was abroad, my wonderful mother sent me a package. Inside was a framed cross-stitch I received several years ago at girls camp that displays the words “I Can Do Hard Things” with an orange and yellow sun below the words. As I opened this package I got a little teary-eyed. That month had been one of the hardest times of my life. And by the time I got this package, I was just starting to figure out that I could survive it. Not only could I survive it, but I could genuinely enjoy myself. I had never expected my trip to be as difficult as it was. This isn’t to say I was miserable, because that is far from the truth. I was having a good time and loving it, but it. was. hard. This little framed cross-stitch sits as one of the only things on my nightstand and I see it every morning when I wake up. Things aren’t near as difficult as they were those first few weeks, but every morning I’m reminded that tough times don’t last forever. I can do hard things. Which brings me to my last and most important lesson.

I learned how much the Lord loves me. I learned that He is an essential part of my everyday life. Before coming to Austria, I knew the church was true. I went to church every Sunday, I prayed, I read my scriptures, and I felt the spirit. However, there was always a part of me that felt like something was missing. Perhaps it wasn’t that something was missing, but that I was missing something. I saw people stand and bear witness of Christ with so much conviction that I felt I would never have. I didn’t doubt. I knew it was true, that Christ is my Savior and that He died for me. I knew that God lives and that he answers prayers. But why didn’t I have such conviction about it? Then I came to Innsbruck. My first day here I had no phone, no internet connection, no knowledge of the city, the language, the people. I had no friends here and no connections to home. So I used the one connection that I know I’ll never lose—prayer. I knelt next to my bed in my empty apartment and offered up the most sincere prayer of my entire life with tears streaming down my face. At that moment, God was the only person I could turn to. He was my only friend. And in the next weeks, as things settled down, he became my closest friend. Something drastically changed within me. My relationship with the Lord has never been stronger. He was right by my side though every little struggle or pain or longing for home and He gave me comfort when I needed it most. Now, as I write this, I once again have tears in my eyes. But these aren’t tears of fear, loneliness, sadness or longing. These are finally tears of conviction. I know God lives. And that knowledge is the souvenir I’ll cherish most.

So back to my original question: do I dread the end of my trip or is it welcomed? Easy. Both. As they say, “There’s no place like home.” I’m incredibly excited to be with the ones I love again. But I’ve learned more about myself here in two months that I’ve learned in the last 20 years. I’ve grown to absolutely love this country and the people in it and I’ll be sad to leave. All good things must come to an end, but luckily for me, this end means the start of a wonderful and beautiful beginning.

Until next time, Austria.  

It’s been a dream.