Home Sweet Home

Hey friends. Just a heads up: This isn't really a "Tell you of all my travels" post.


Today has been a homesick day. Only, it's my fault because I haven't done anything but sit in my room and study. It makes life so much easier if I'm out and about doing something in the city or even going to class.


I don't want to seem like a downer. I'll preface this post by saying that I'm so grateful that I'm here. I have already learned so much, and this place is beautiful. I am loving it.

But I'm allowed to have hard days.

Right?

I keep struggling with this. I am in an amazing city, learning a new culture, making friends, and I really am loving it. So why do I constantly want to come home? Why can't I go through one day here without saying, "Alright...I've been here X amount of days, which means X amount of weeks left. I can do this." It is seriously the weirdest mix of emotions. I am in love with this place...but want nothing more to leave it and come home.


How does that work?!

In all reality, if someone said, "You can go home right now!" I don't think I'd go. I have a lot I still have to do here, learn here, and I have to grow a little bit more. (Now if someone said, "We're flying Kameron to Innsbruck!" I'd have no objection. At all.) And in all reality, when people ask me how I'm doing, I can honestly say I'm doing well. Really well. I'll never regret coming no matter how many of these tough days I have.



Time.


The way we view time can a strange thing. This is what I mean:
If I think, "I've been here two weeks." That feels like I haven't been here long at all and that I have forever to go.
If I think, "I've been here half a month." It seems like SO much longer than I've actually been here and I only have to/get to do that four more times...much more bearable.
If I think. "Two more months." That is killer and seems like forever.
If I think "Nine more weeks." It doesn't seem bad at all.


But it's all the same amount of time.


And speaking of time, I know everyone says that time goes faster when you don't count down. But that's like telling someone not to think about a penguin. As soon as you say, don't think about a penguin...they think about a penguin. So, any time I think about NOT thinking about how much time I have left...that's all I think about. But if I say, don't think about NOT thinking about it...well then I still think about it. It's very complicated, you see. Basically, I'm pretty sure I'll be counting down the whole time I'm here. Deal with it.


Now.
Here is where I just talk about Kam. So, tune out if you want.


The hardest part of this whole trip has been to be away from Kameron. I knew it would be difficult. Of course it would be difficult. But I figured that since I only got to see him on weekends anyway, it wouldn't be AS difficult. In some respects, it probably is easier than if I saw him every single day. But this is in NO way easy. I only get to talk with him once a day if I'm lucky, and it has to be at a specific time due to the time change. I miss the simplicity of being able to pick up my phone and text him whenever I want. I wake up every morning in the hopes that I have an email from him or that he's still awake and online late at night. I'm trying not to have my time revolve around when I can talk to him, but...that's hard. I'm quite fond of him. :) But I've been so INCREDIBLY blessed that he has been supportive as he has been. He doesn't ever really tell me if he's having a hard time with it (which, maybe he's not, but I don't think he'd ever let on to it either way) and I appreciate that. I honestly feel guilty for leaving, especially when I know at least six people that got engaged after us that are getting married before us. I feel selfish at times. Because I needed to take this time to learn and grow at his expense. He has to wait for me. And that's a hard thing to stomach sometimes, especially when I miss him like crazy.

The point is, though, that he's been so good about it. It helps me focus on what I need to focus on here. And then I get to go home and get married to him and spend the rest of eternity with him. And the greatest part is that I get that AND I get this experience, all because I chose a man that is willing to put my needs before his own. I'm eternally grateful for him.


To sum things up:

This is is the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is equally the hardest thing I've ever done.
Time will pass, and I'll be home soon.
I'm engaged to the most understanding, kind, loving, incredible man out there.
And he'll be there when I get back. Win-win.

So bring on the next two months.